So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
