Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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