I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
