You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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