I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My vagina is very pro this idea
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
