Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
