I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
