You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
