Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
