is your mom at the bar?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
did you just send me my own nude
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
