i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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