her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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