Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
