you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
