I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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