I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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