I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
