You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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