Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
