the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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