Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
