she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
