i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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