Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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