You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
