Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
