i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
