Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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