I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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