Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
