there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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