guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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