I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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