Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
either way he was missing a nipple.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
