i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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