I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
