Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
