now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
