watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
