if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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