bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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