haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Too much gin, very little bucket
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
