Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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