So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
