Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Someone shit on the floor
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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