I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
