just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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