just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
