i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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