i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
